daniellelove's Datingish

They Call Him Love

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 04:32:27 GMT

Sitting with him folding his shirts, even though I hate folding laundry.
Playing connect the dots with the freckles on his back and kissing them all softly.
Tracing the millions of tiny scars in his hands.
Watching him bite his nails to nothing.
Playing soccer down the isles at Target.
Watching his eyes squint while he laughs.
The way he talks, the way he dresses, the way he walks and is.
He calls me babydoll, he calls me love.
Rubbing our noses together playfully.
Sitting in his lap quietly while he watches me read.
Going out for frozen yogurt a half hour away just because we can.
Laying together and holding hands while we lay out in the sun.
Kissing my toes as I sit with my feet in the water of his lane while he swims.
Going out for Jamba Juice.
Going through mountains of baby pictures together.
Walking around together arm in arm.
Teasing, joking, laughing.
Taking pictures just so we have them to look at later.
Watching as he rocks out to music in the car.
Holding my hand as he drives.
Planning our future together.
Cologne shopping.
Kissing the scar on my knee up and down, up and down.
Telling stories.
Watching as he kisses my face fast, all over.
Smiling.

I love you.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:55:48 GMT

I think I'm in need of a little help.

Let me start off by saying that I am unconditionally and completely in love with my boyfriend. Without a doubt. However, sometimes I feel there's a bit of a communication block, but it's not when the two of us are alone. Rather, it's when it's him, myself, and his best friend, who happens to be a girl.

Now, I have no problem with his best friend being a girl. I trust him when he says he looks at her only as a friend, as a younger sister almost. But it's her that I don't completely trust. A few months back when he was visiting home on leave, he decided to take an impromptu beach trip with her and one other friend, one that I was unaware of. Keep in mind that this other friend is a complete stoner, unaware to everything that's going on and he'd lie for my boyfriend under any circumstance because he looks up to him for some reason. So you can see why I wasn't exactly happy that he took a trip with her to the beach and failed to mention it to me. We managed to fix things, but I can't trust her much after that whole ordeal.

After that, it was extremely awkward anytime I had to be around the both of them. I like being able to spend time with him, whether it be with friends or alone. But with her, things just don't mesh. Not to mention that they've known each other for years, so it seems as if I don't exist when they start conversing. They ramble off on inside jokes and there's just no room for me to jump into the conversation anywhere. Maybe I'll get the chance to laugh occasionally, if even. I just don't know what to do. I already don't like being around her as it is, but when there's no room for me to even talk to my boyfriend at all, well, it just pretty much makes up my mind. I don't like her, and that's not changing.

My big issue, though, lies in the fact that I don't know how to bring this to my BF's attention. I've told him once, and he basically told me he'd choose her over me that night simply because he sees and talks to me all the time and has rarely gotten to talk and speak with her over the past few months. Now that just doesn't sit right with me. I can't tell him that I don't like talking to him while he talks with her because I'd basically be telling him to choose one or the other, and I can't do that to him. Not when she's been there for him through so much and really kept him together before he and I met and hit things off. But at the same time, I want and need to talk to him too. We're long distance, and the only way to hold it together is to talk. But he doesn't talk to me when he's talking to her.

Any advice and opinions you have to offer is greatly appreciated, because I quite honestly don't know what to do.

We'll Be Holding Hands Once Again

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 07:26:19 GMT

So toddler like, every single step. Wobbling, unbalanced, unsure. Foot after foot, walking down an unknown and undetermined path, not knowing where I’m destined to go. Following, hoping for the best.

But then there was a hand, a steadying factor. A hand that balanced me and made it okay to look up instead of down, making sure that I didn’t trip. There was a scared up hand with long fingers, bitten down nails, and a roughness to it. But it was a hand nonetheless, a hand I so desperately needed.

And somehow, that hand fit perfectly in mine, counter-balanced the small size of my soft hands and made my not so perfect nails look more perfect than they ever had. Our knuckles were not the same, just as our skin tones weren’t and the amount of scars differed. Two different hands laced together as one, like the rest of ourselves. But as different as we were, we were the same in so many ways.

I observed our fingers, laced tightly together without a chance of becoming loosened. I sat there and pulled them close to my eyes, silently looking them over and wondering how each darkened scar had gotten there, the story behind it. But as I quietly looked over our entwined hands, you quietly looked over me. Watching the way my hair moved, how I’d move a strand behind my ear with my free hand and then trace a scar with it. You sat there and just stared, embracing even the smallest of movements and smiling at it all, loving it all, just as I love you.

Coming Second

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:59:04 GMT

Not too long ago I was reading through datingish as usual and happened to come across this entry.

Reading through it, it had me reminiscing about a time where my boyfriend and I had been through a sort of semi situation that really had me questioning how much I really did mean to him. He didn't necessarily blow up or throw a tantrum, but he did abuse alcohol and put me second to it because "he couldn't turn down a challenge" (referring to beer pong).

Now I'm not saying it's wrong to drink, but I don't condone heavy drinking. I don't accept any form of using drugs, EVER. I don't involve myself in anything that'll cause my body harm like that or take the control of my life out of my hands. I like to know what's going on. But I'm not going to stop my SO from going out and having a few drinks as long as it's not abusive and he doesn't come home drunk.

So needless to say, in this situation I did not take it lightly. I had to do a lot of reassessing and there was a LOT of trust that had been lost, especially since he had told me time and time again that he never had more than two or three drinks. Obviously not.

In the end we worked it all out and he saw how much damage that he had done, but I can't help but think that not everyone can be as lucky as I was to manage to work this out, and work it out positively nonetheless.

Has anyone ever been in situations like these? If so, how did you manage it and how did it work out for you? And if you haven't, what are your thoughts on it all?

Dear Daddy...

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 00:06:45 GMT

Earlier today my boyfriend and I were talking about the future of our relationship. Even though he's in the air force and he plans on being in for several years to come, we both see marriage down the road and love each other too unconditionally for that not to happen.

However, there has been a question eating at my mind every time we talk about this subject: Is he going to ask my father's permission before he pops the question to me?

Growing up in a religious household and being fairly religious myself, my father's approval means a lot to me. After all, he is my dad. He's protected me and supported me and done everything he possibly can to make sure that I have every opportunity that the world has to offer me. And this isn't just a religious belief, either. It's my own personal decision. I've been good at separating what I feel is right and what isn't through personal choice and not through what I'm supposed to believe through church. But regardless, it's important to me that whoever my future husband be at least go to my dad before he comes to me. He deserves that respect.

But what shocked me though was that my boyfriend feels the same and was going to go to my father regardless if I had asked him to or not. He's not the most traditional and definitely less religious than I am, especially with being in the military. It was a nice surprise, and I just love him more because of it.

After letting this all soak in, though, I really began thinking. Maybe even though this world is always changing and walking down a less traditional pathway, we still have very traditional values on certain things.

I guess what I'm getting at is what do you think about this particular step? Do you feel it necessary that your SO go to your father figure before he ask you? I'm curious to see.

It's Possible to Make an LDR Work

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 04:33:11 GMT

Seeing that I'm in a LDR, it seemed appropriate that my first real blog be about this. Over my days spent reading datingish when I first got into a relationship with my current boyfriend, I felt like I needed a lot of help on how to cope and deal with it and what exactly I could do to make it easier on the both of us. Because, as those of you who've been through LDR's, it is extremely difficult to not crack and break things off when in this kind of situation, especially if you're dealing with a REALLY long distance (we're talking CA and Afghanistan/Iraq) one. And when I was reading and searching, I couldn't really find much. I did find a few posts, and they were extremely helpful, so I felt like it's my turn to give back and help all you LDR people out there, or even those who may be seeing one for themselves in the future.

1. Talk constantly. The best way to really communicate with your SO is through webchat or ichat. It really makes the whole load of it a lot easier to deal with, especially if you're looking at not seeing them for a brutally long person of time. By webchatting like that, you're getting almost the whole effect. You can talk and see each other at the same time. I know with me, it helps a lot just to hear his voice and be able to hear the small cracks, sniffles, and any other small detail that lets me know what exactly he's experiencing and feeling and thinking. But if you can't do that, just talking everyday helps. Whether it be over the phone or IM or even messages on facebook or myspace or whatever networking site you use. From my experience, just knowing he's taking time out of his day to let me know how he's doing and that he's thinking about me makes a world of difference. And it works both ways. Your SO may never say anything directly, but when you can't be with each other, him knowing that he's on your mind really does make his day and time apart from you that much easier. Overall, just constantly communicate as much as you can. If you're not talking, that's when things will fall apart.

2. If possible, exchange gifts with each other during the times you do see each other. I'm not talking flowers or chocolate or sports tickets, I'm talking clothing and items with sentimental value. Give each other something that will remind you of them. Photo albums are great for this, or something that smells like you. Whether you believe it or not, your natural scent is a huge turn on for your SO. And for you military men and women, think about maybe giving your dog tags to your sweetheart. I keep my boyfriend's with me at all times, and those I love the most along with an old ring he had because they're what stay closest to my heart, literally. I keep them on a chain, and they're a constant reminder of someone who means the world to me. Just knowing that he's there with me in spirit makes it all so much more bearable. Clothing is great in that aspect too. Anything that will remind your SO of you, they'll want. It really does mean a lot, on both ends.

3. Be honest and always express yourself. When you're in an LDR, you learn to be open and tell each other EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. In a long distance relationship, you're easily much more susceptible to things ending because of something small. You need to be open and tell each other what you're thinking whenever you talk, as you do in any relationship. But I stress it with LDR's. You don't get to see each other, you don't get to talk to each other at all hours of the day. It's extremely important to tell each other when something is bothering you and get it fixed before it escalates and becomes something that you can't fix because of the long distance. Or if you think you're starting to develop feelings for someone else or start talking to someone who's new and interesting, tell the other immediately or as soon as possible. You don't want to be leading someone on or leave them in the dark like that, especially when they're far away. Those are the kinds of things that end relationships, because it can seem like you're hiding even the smallest of things. Be straight forward and don't beat around the bush, too.

4. Be reassuring. Aside from constantly communicating, I really stress this. It's easy and simple to start thinking that you're not loved or your SO doesn't care or isn't thinking about you. Make sure you're telling each other how you feel on a day to day basis. I'm not saying it needs to be every other thing you say, but just dropping a nice little text saying you miss them/love them/were thinking about them/etc. helps the feeling of not feeling along. It's nice to be reminded that you're SO who's far away still loves you and still feels strongly about you, as if you were there next to them. Because a lot of times, that's all you need to keep you going another day.

5. Take your time away from each other a little at a time. Looking at how long you're going to be away from each other as a whole does NOT help. It makes it seem longer than it really is and (i hate to be cliche) like an eternity. Take things a day at a time, or even a week at a time. Don't look at it as how many days you've been apart, but each day as another day closer to when you get to run into each others arms again and look into each other's eyes. Time will pass by much faster that way and before you know it, your time period of being away from each other is up. In general, don't dwell on the negatives of things. Remember, things are only as bad as you make them.

A lot can be added to that list, but I've come to find that those five things are what make LDR's easier to handle. It doesn't make them easy in general, but it does make them bearable and seem like a lot less of a burden.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:33:28 GMT

Well I love datingish, so i figured it was time to start my own blog. I've got a lot to say and now somewhere to put it all.